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15 March 2007 @ 06:48 pm
Ive recently just realized how much i got involved with someone that i ignored everyone around me.
I suppose it was a slow thing, but a year ago when I lost a lot, when I thought i had nothing, i finally had someone. Something. It was great, but looking back I was so involved in this, this having someone to call them mine, someone that appreciated me, who said sweet things to, someone who i could say anything to and they would laugh and think it was great that i was that way. It gave me confidence. But as i was appreciating this so much, i forgot to appreicate a lot of things. I would rather spend my time watching a movie, or quit literally  sleeping with someone next to me. I gave up everything else.
His friends became my friends, I mean, there was a once in a while when i would hang out with my own. But that wasn't a normal thing. I was so wrapped up in this fascinating time that i couldn't be bothered to wonder what would be left when I turned around and he wasn't there.
So now, after that happening, when i have nothing once again. I realize what I should have done.
I should have made sure i kept in contact. I should have went out more. I should have made better friends outside this world. Because regardless of how great these people are. People will be friends with whoever is the most convenient. Ive seen this happen personally.
Its easier to replace a human being then I could have ever thought possible.
Yes, there will always be your close friends that will stick by you no matter what
But people have their own things to do. They cant, and don;t think to themselves 'Hmm i wonder how so and so is doing?" or "I wonder what they are up to" Unless there is nothing better to do. When it is convenient.
I guess im just frustrated with being alone. I pushed everyone away. Now im alone, again. I get really sad about it sometimes. I guess i just wish more people in the world gave a shit. But, one humanity has let me down lol. Just like when we elected harper and bush.
Just once i wish people knew i am always right in the end.

Anyways my main point here is, don't ever think someone is so great and amazing and all mighty powerful enough for you to get so involved there is nothing else in your life, because one day, they will be gone, or they will let you down, and you will curse yourself for it. For the pain you've put yourself in. For the mistake you made of not listening to yourself because you are hanging on to every last word that they say. Have more respect for yourself then that.

Now, I don't regret the experience, If not i would be able to share this, and I wouldn't be able to know what not to do. I wouldn't have done all the things i have done in the past 3-4 months, such as, get my license, be involved with improv again, get a membership at the gym and loose weight, and apply AND get accepted to school.
I KNOW i would not have even been close to these things if i was still in the same situation i was in then. I was on the same road he was on. Which leads to a dead end, on a cliff, without a warning sign.

Anyways. Enough of that.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Kalesxkiekox on March 16th, 2007 02:22 am (UTC)
a) I go to curves which is only women.. sucky eh? maybe ill become a lesbian lol...
b) I dont really like ripped guys, they are to.... stupid and cocky. LOL
but thanks! I got my official acceptance letter today, so they cant take anything back :p